caffeinatrix (caffeina) wrote,

  • Music:

piss, moan

So alright, I think I'm in a little pit of self-doubt and confusion here. I mean, I have some other pretty big major problems to angst over, but there was this nice little ray of sunshine happening, and now it doesn't look like that's happening at all, so i'm totally focusing on that. Leaves me feeling like an idiot.

The long and short of it is that the boy isn't calling me back. And when I do call, I have no idea whether or not he's getting my messages because of the ex-girlfriend-roommate. And his answering machine doesn't seem to work right. And he's not an online type. So, we went out on Tuesday, it was cool, we had some mad siznex and he seemed all weirded out and awkward when he left. So now i'm rolling that around in my head, wondering why. I think i'm just a victim of my own desires being unrealistic. Of misinterpreting what I thought to be incredibly promising signs, perhaps. Of misrepresenting my own interests.

I mean, ok sure, he could just be busy, or not getting my messages, or he could be avoiding me, hell, he could have even opted to get back together with his ex. Fucking hell if I know, on account of not hearing from him. Meh.

And I keep having really awful nightmares. Everything crumbling, destruction, despair. People in my life being hurt. Really agonizing horrors. That's not fun.

That's me, whining! Hooray! There's a reason they call them crushes, because they fucking crush you.

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