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Can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep. Groan.

And yes, I have been trying.

I figured, if i'm going to be semi-conscious and quasi-lucid, I might as well come over here and absorb some more radiation, pay some bills. Something other than laying there staring at the unbelievably bright LED on my stupid cel phone ac adapter and the stupid digits on the stupid clock. Mocking me. I need to get me some benadryl or actifed. Poor man's tranquilizers!

So, I haven't written anything of any substance whatsoever in a long while. I think i'm just too self-conscious lately. I've been too cautious. Why? What the hell? Me? WHaa?

My life is still all drama and fun and hoo-haa, but i'm keeping it close to my chest as if it makes any difference. I have been kind of curling myself into a tight little ball, coiled up, kind of waiting for things to fall in to place. Not in any specific, pre-ordained sense, just, waiting. This house stuff, family stuff, needing to make a future of some sort, money problems... It feels like i'm a fuzzy caterpillar preparing to become -- follow me if you will, in to my huge cliched metaphorical drift -- either a butterfly or a moth. And fuck your hippy ass if you love moths, they're horrible hairy little beasts and they fly in my hair and yuck.

I get whacky when I get insomnia.

I think, um, I think my brain is drifting towards sleep, a little bit, but I have too much on my mind. I worry too much. I should be inspired by the heavily-edited-for-television movie I watched the other night, Risky Business, and say "What the fook" but maybe i'll let that irresponsibility wait until after I install a new kitchen floor for my puny mortal tenants.
    And what the fuck, you LJ-friended bitches?!!?? You never fucking reply to my shit anymore. Don't make me pimp-slap you again, you hear me? XOXOXO

Comments

( 7 uh-ohs — Make a mess )
meenk
Jun. 11th, 2003 09:52 am (UTC)
The things in my life that are important to me VERY rarely seem important enough to write about in my journal. If I did, it would look like this:

Monday - Sleeping til 11:30 is so nice. I watched mark fall asleep last night and felt content. My doggy is the most beautiful girl in the world, and I can see why mothers act the way they do. I could never have an ugly child.

Tuesday - Fuck waking up at 8. I am gonna quit my job.

Wednesday - Yep, definitely quitting my job, since I only get scheduled 2 days a week, and get sent home early all the time. If I was at work today, I would quit right now! I should start looking for a new job. Oooh, shoe websites...

Thursday - Finally gave notice. I wonder if they are gonna schedule me through the 2 weeks, or just drop me off the schedule. I wonder which 70s Show is on tonight?

Friday - ITS MOTHERFUCKING FRIIIII DAAAAAAAY. I am gonna get twisted on drugs and play video games ALL NIGHT.

Saturday - Today I went to the Zoo and to the Pool.

Sunday - Mark made me breakfast and now we are going to the batting cages. I am pretty sure my biceps are at least 11"

Repeat, ad nauseum. I like to share in your adventures, though. Makes me occasionally feel like leaving my house!
radiumhead
Jun. 11th, 2003 06:13 pm (UTC)
excuses, excuses
You haven't been posting!

Besides, my grandfather died, plus I've been busy eating vagina, drinking & snorting cocaine.

Good to see you around, though!
caffeina
Jun. 11th, 2003 08:20 pm (UTC)
Re: excuses, excuses
Wow your plate certainly has been full! Death, debauchery and tasty punani.

Great to see you around, too!
pobig
Jun. 12th, 2003 03:12 am (UTC)
I sort of got the impression that things are little kerflooey lately, but I don't really know enough to comment. Don't wait too long for the music to stop and all that.
caffeina
Jun. 12th, 2003 01:17 pm (UTC)
Re:
Kerflooey? My life is just as kerflooey as usual... What impression had you gotten? Please to elaborate.
pobig
Jun. 12th, 2003 01:55 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, now that I think of it, you're probably right. Sorry for the confusion.
caffeina
Jun. 12th, 2003 02:17 pm (UTC)
no, no no! i want the scoop. the dish. the dirt.
( 7 uh-ohs — Make a mess )