caffeinatrix (caffeina) wrote,
caffeinatrix
caffeina

  • Music:

crunky kids

Wow. I just want all of this eviction/probate misery to be over and done with so I can get on with my life. Sherioushly.

I want to use some of the money I got from my mom's life insurance to go travel, visit pippilina and see some sights. I don't want to fritter it all away on home repair and renovations, because, though they are necessary and responsible and important, they are boring. I want to spend less time imposing on my cool tenants here in Santa Cruz, too. I want to get a part-time job of some sort and behave like a normal person.

I have been thinking about my mom a lot, wishing that she could see the progress i've made with the house, with myself. I miss having her witness all of the random trivialities of my world. I used to love calling her up to tell her about weird stuff I saw, or did, gossiping, complaining, joking around. She was really funny, and silly. I keep thinking how happy I am that I managed to show her around the city as I knew it, that I dragged her to a Negativland show, that we got to watch great movies together. I'm trying to focus on all of the wonderful times we shared rather than dwelling on regrets, what-ifs, and all the unfinished business of life.

I've been trying to be a little more accessible to my friends, trying to keep in touch a bit. I realized recently that I have an unhealthy tendency to push people away, or to neglect them. I need people more than I seem to let on, and I want the people in my life to know that I care about them, and that they are important to me. I'm just incredibly bad about communicating that sort of thing.

I recently got in touch with an old friend, someone who I think about frequently but hadn't actually communicated with in a few years. We caught each other up, and I realized that, while he had no idea what was happening with me, I knew most of the important news in his life because I keep in touch from afar, in absentia, through common friends. And I am not terribly proactive about keeping up with those folks, either. I need to write letters to everyone I care about to let them know that they're very much alive in my heart, only less cheesily.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 3 comments