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Sifting, packing, drifting

In these few quiet moments, even though they're not especially quiet, I have a chance to sit, sipping coffee, thinking. In less than an hour, the house will once again be full of construction, and I will retreat in to the library to load books in to boxes. Hundreds, thousands of books. Many of them old, frayed, full of amazing illustrations. It's really hard to stay focused while sorting books.

Yesterday was nuts. L. and K. came down early to paint and prepare the bedroom, my mom's old room. It's completely transformed. It now has a hardwood floor instead of ancient, ugly green shag carpeting! No more faded, strange wallpaper, either. They've done a lot of work, and it looks great. The construction on the bathroom is moving along, though there are still two more bathrooms to work on. All I can do is take small bites of the giant evil termite-infested cookie that is renovating my house. L. and K. have a lot of spastic energy and it kind of helped me start doing more work. I could probably get a lot of work done if I weren't so damned lazy.

My mother never threw anything away. She also had a serious cookbook habit. I sorted out a nice heap of cookbooks for myself, and K. grabbed up a nice stack for herself, but for many hours the whole livingroom was consumed by a really daunting mound of books. Now they're mostly in boxes, and yet the livingroom is still insane. Last night, I had a small breakdown after I realized I had run out of boxes to pack the books in. I actually broke down and cried, totally overwhelmed and frustrated. It's just that it was really hard for me, clearing out the kitchen with K. My mother was so passionate about cooking, and she was very involved in the kitchen, and it felt like we were scrubbing her presence away. I've been sort of avoiding the real work, treating a lot of the house with a sort of reverence. Well, no longer. Sigh.

I just sent George off to get 36 more boxes for me. Hopefully that will be enough.

I'm not whining, really, it's just that this is the weirdest thing i've ever had to do.


( 3 uh-ohs — Make a mess )
Jun. 7th, 2002 10:16 am (UTC)
*hugs* You are being very strong.
Jun. 7th, 2002 01:03 pm (UTC)
:( Oh man. No, you are not whining, but feel free to do so if the mood strikes you... Something like this would shake me to the core, and you're very strong to handle it so well.
Jun. 9th, 2002 03:07 am (UTC)
the kitchen
i can't imagine the house transformed

change is good but i know what you mean i think about scrubbing stormi out of the kitchen. i can't quite imagine it somehow, there is something primal about that house that makes it very well lived in, marked by your mother and the people who have lived there
, it had a rich history and you are doing away with the markings

but its necessary
its bizarre how circumstances always change

( 3 uh-ohs — Make a mess )