caffeinatrix (caffeina) wrote,


I've been confronting a lot of intense anger and guilt that's been stirring just under the surface for some time now.

I keep having really distressing dreams and nightmares about my mother, and I wake from these dreams feeling frustrated and anxious. This is happening every night now. My emotions are very raw, and it's taking a lot of effort to keep from coming unhinged. When people ask me how I'm doing, I need to remember not to tell them all of this, because people don't want to know these things. I feel rootless, confused, afraid and overwhelmed.

On the other hand maybe it's a good sign, in a way, signalling a turning point. Perhaps through all of this I will find a way through the grief, I will find the answers I need. I still haven't really ever dealt with this, and to be honest I am frightened by the prospect of really diving in.

I worry about what I'll find there, I worry that I really can't handle it. It feels empty, and cold, and endless.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.