I've been stressed out and unhappy lately, but it's this very vague "I need to get my shit together and fast" sort of unhappiness. I haven't gotten very far with any of the goals I've set for myself recently. Being unproductive and creatively stagnant is doing a number on my self-image. I'm having strange anxiety nightmares every night, and feeling guilty and angry with myself when I wake up. I'm actually avoiding people, actively avoiding social interaction because I don't feel like I can offer much of anything conversationally or otherwise. I feel like my anger and unhappiness is very close to the surface, and it seeps out and taints the mood wherever I go. When someone invites me to a party, or a movie, or anything, I'm immediately thinking of a way out of it. It feels like all I do lately is make excuses. I know that this sort of thing sort of cycles around and builds on itself, and I'm aware of how illogical it sounds, but I can't seem to find the exit.
It's really awful, it can't continue, and I need to just snap the hell out of it.
I'm trying to get the motivation together to go downtown to have some of my digital photographs printed. If I can get them finished in time, they'll go up on a wall for a little show. If not, well, too bad.
It's really awful, it can't continue, and I need to just snap the hell out of it.
I'm trying to get the motivation together to go downtown to have some of my digital photographs printed. If I can get them finished in time, they'll go up on a wall for a little show. If not, well, too bad.
Comments
Recently I been chided into going out with my friends (typically a set up w/ some poor girl who's life is as pathetic as mine) and that's about the extent of my social life.
It sounds like we should have a support group. Except that we wouldn't ever show up!
The lack of motivation will pass, but in the meantime, it feels like hell.
DO force yourself to go out, though. That's what I have to do sometimes and it often works to get me out of my low self esteem moments.
I even forced myself to go to a party with a bunch of intimidating, beautiful Indie kids. That was a little more challenging. I feel better having gone, though.
Like, "Oh well, that wasn't bad at all, silly cluck!"
I think people should leave the house way more frequently than they do, but then again it's easy for me to say, cuz I'm in Portland and there's a lot of cool places to go once you start looking for them... I saw Barbarella at the Laurelhurst theatre last night! Ha ha woo, excellent run-down theatre than has tables in front of the movie seats and even sells beer. Awesome power.
Oakland is kind of far, you have to plan ahead when you want to go there! My commute from Oaktown to the SF financial district was only half an hour, though.