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Nextly

Does my ego need this?

I've been a real flake lately. All I really want to do right now is sleep or buy things. I think that the reality of my mother's death is finally dawning on me as the pressure and the mundane financial issues mount up. Luckily i've had a lot of friends around me, and they've been emotionally supportive, offering all kinds of help, but i'm not really asking for anything. Yet. I am probably close to breaking down, but I'm hoping to put that off until after the memorial next weekend.

I need to go back down to Santa Cruz on Sunday so that some weird women can go through my mother's things looking for photos of her to make in to some godawful collage. Why do they think that a collage is a fitting way to remember her? This memorial isn't for her, or even for me. It's basically their idea, people she worked with, people she knew through the writer's group, they're all really needy. Maybe it's because they're older, and death has a slightly different resonance at that age?

I'm having fewer nightmares, but I am still obviously struggling. My dreams are almost all filled with confusion, with guilt and helplessness. It's odd that I would be choosing to sleep as much as I have been with all the dreams freaking me out.

I'm going to go find something fun and weird to do.

Comments

( 4 uh-ohs — Make a mess )
youtsk
Sep. 12th, 2001 08:37 pm (UTC)
It is to laughing
We should go to the memorial and yell "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY!" Oh, wait.
caffeina
Sep. 12th, 2001 08:41 pm (UTC)
Re: It is to laughing
You are so cool. Some people might see this and think you're a monster.

I will reassure them that you TOTALLY ARE. DUDE.
youtsk
Sep. 12th, 2001 08:47 pm (UTC)
Re: It is to laughing
I am to very sadness of my soul to thinking it is to hurting feelings of my very most honored and graciousness friend, Kamio.
youtsk
Sep. 12th, 2001 09:33 pm (UTC)
Re: It is to laughing
Why does not Kamio realizing it is for Tom's mission to bringing happiness smiling to Kamio's face?

Tom is totally understandingness of the painfulness of death. It is to having dealing with same situations in own life. Father is having illness difficulty.

Engrish is muchly hard workingness, preas to excusing most honored friend Kamio from badly grammar.
( 4 uh-ohs — Make a mess )