July 20th, 2003


I think I need a day off

My house is messy, I misplaced a ton of cds, I need to do laundry. I've been kind of ignoring the clutter. So today maybe i'll wash stuff and organize stuff, or maybe not. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything today, I feel languid and naughty. Willful, not naughty.

I'm still waking up... Last night I decided I needed to see The Tin Drum, so I rented it at Lee's and started watching it around 9:30, about an hour in to it I found that I needed to take an intermission. It turned in to a 4 hour break while I started reading Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk and got totally immersed and couldn't tear myself away. I watched a little more of little Oskar until I felt my eyes drooping and turned off the box only to read another 2 chapters in Please Kill Me. Hahaha. Thanks to mopmonster and the Boy for recommending it.

Today I will learn more about the Boy. Is he really down, or is he just fucking with me? Tired of the runaround. Tired of people being indirect, indistinct, indifferent. It's frustrating to have something so sweet and promising kind of dissipate like this, before i've even gotten a taste. Our conversation last night was good, honest, I said a lot more than I have in the past and he seemed to really hear it but again, who the fuck knows. So my ultimatum sort of extends a few days, it's still very much in effect. It's not worth so much effort just to get to know someone, so maybe I should walk away.

And nihilistic_kid will be happy to know that I BOUGHT HIS DAMNED BOOK. Looking forward to reading it! If it sucks, i'll tell you. And demand my $12 back. Kidding!
  • Current Music
    Christian Death - Incendiary Lovers

Odd, poignant news...

I was just informed by my slumtenants that my mother, who died in August 2001 was recently featured in the Santa Cruz Metro.
    [2003:07:20:13:06] caffeinatrix: what was it about?
    [2003:07:20:13:06] lu3ke: It quotes her about avoiding the use of adverbs
    [2003:07:20:13:07] lu3ke: "Why 'Go Boldly' when you can 'Venture'?"
    [2003:07:20:13:07] lu3ke: or something like that
    [2003:07:20:13:07] caffeinatrix: Whoa
    [2003:07:20:13:07] lu3ke: And calls her the esteemed poet and former santa cruz resident
    [2003:07:20:13:11] lu3ke: During her lifetime, the late Santa Cruz resident and poet extraordinaire Stormi Chambless advised writers to avoid adverbs.

    "Why 'go boldly' when you can 'venture'?" said this advocate of accurate, stand- alone verbs.
    [2003:07:20:13:11] lu3ke: Nüz got to wondering what Chambless would have made of the City Council's decision last week to dump an adverb for political reasons.
    [2003:07:20:13:11] lu3ke: there you go
    [2003:07:20:13:12] lu3ke: http://www.metroactive.com/papers/cruz/07.16.03/nuz-0329.html
    [2003:07:20:13:12] caffeinatrix: Whoa!!!
    [2003:07:20:13:12] lu3ke: isn't that neat?

Not surprised, just... hm.

So, yeah, he didn't call back. Whatever, he's busy, whatever he's stoned. Whatever. I still feel kind of, well, very disappointed.

I really hate it when someone can't just be up front about things. I'm not that scary. I'm also not stupid, i'm not a lot of things people assume me to be. And stop fucking apologizing already. Etcetera.

I mean who knows, I might still call him at some point, someday, but he's making it all very complicated.